Inspired by my lovely comedian friend Matt Drufke's top 25 songs of 2023 essay and my lovely writer friend Alicia Thompson's music-focused newsletter the same songs over and over, I thought I'd send out a bonus Christmas newsletter with a playlist of my favorite songs released in 2023 and some quick notes about each song.
I first created the playlist on Tidal, then found out that sometime between last year's playlist and this year's, Tidal stopped letting people without accounts listen to playlists. So, I recreated the playlist on YouTube. That means it has some ads. :/
I recommend clicking one of the playlists first and opening it in another window, because, I apologize, I'm just not having the energy to link each song individually.
Younger & Dumber by Indigo De Souza
I could write a whole newsletter about this song alone. (That's probably true for most of them, but I won't repeat it every time. 😂) Ah, the depth! The heartache, the regret, the anger, the angst, the restlessness! The lyrics combined with the music and her voice — just so beautiful I can't put it into words (hey, I'm not a music writer!).
The lyrics I want to pull out are the most positive, though:
And the love I feel is so powerful
It can take you anywhere
Sure, I'm taking them out of context and giving them a meaning that probably isn't implied by the context, but as a listener, that's my right!
When you're single, it can be easy to feel like it's your fault. Like you're just defective. These lyrics act as a balm to counteract that thinking. A reminder that my love isn't something I should have to worry about or hide or meter out in tiny, non-threatening drops.
Because my love is so powerful! And the right person will know it can take him anywhere! And that will feel exciting to him, not off-putting. 🙂
The Freedom to Fuck Off by Petey
I'm obsessed with Petey. I've seen him live twice — both wonderful. I'm genuinely confused why he hasn't blown up more. He's just so…relatable? Maybe that's because he's Midwestern and I'm Midwestern (yes…he moved to LA, but that's a super Midwestern thing to do, actually!), or maybe it's because he's always seeming a little sad and confused, but ultimately optimistic, which now that I type it out, I'd say would make a good title for my memoir: A Little Sad and Confused, But Ultimately Optimistic: A Memoir by Jay Vera Summer. Anyway, onto the lyrics.
Fuckin' off takes money, fuckin' off takes time
Been fuckin' off wrong my whole life, now I'm fuckin' off right
Ugh, these lyrics hit me hard every time. As you know, I've done a TON of reflecting this past year, and if there's one thing I've realized it's that I've been fuckin' off wrong my whole life! But now I'm fuckin' off right!
And I read the Bible sometimes, please don't make fun of me
I mean, true.
'Cause I went to college, and I like the beach
And I love to hate my country, man, I wanna bite the hand the feeds me
So I'll pack up my stuff and I'll leave forever
And I know misery loves company, so let's fuck off together
What right-minded person isn't frustrated with our government rn? ESPECIALLY after they funded ethnic cleansing that killed over 20,000 Palestinians this year (and continues on). I mean, oof.
And did I mention I'm looking for love? I don't mention it often, because it feels vulnerable, but music brings out allll the vulnerability in me. And if I could describe the love I want, I think "let's fuck off together" would be a pretty good description.
So what do I want? I want the freedom to sit still
To appreciate my state in the spinnin' blades of a windmill
Hell, what do I need? I need the freedom to feel good
If happiness is a choice then I'd choose it every second if I could
Okay, so I've now copied and pasted most of the lyrics. This'll be the only song I do that for, I swear! But these are just so resonant for me. "The freedom to sit still" sounds a lot like meditating. It also sounds a lot like being able to get a handle on ADHD symptoms.
And If happiness is a choice then I'd choose it every second if I could has gotta be the most compelling response to toxic positivity that I've heard. If happiness was a choice, then everyone would choose it every second if they could! Get tf out of here with your good vibes only!!!
Cool About It by boygenius
This is the song with lyrics I least relate to of all those listed, and I mainly chose it because I like how pretty it sounds. It appears to depict someone trying to act normal as they hang out one-on-one with an ex they were deeply in love with and hurt by — a situation I would never inflict on myself!
Once, I took your medication to know what it's like
This line stands out, because how much do you have to love and want to understand someone in order to take their prescription drugs?! It's a bit creepy. Like, if I were on prescription drugs and dating someone and found out they took one to understand me better, I don't think I'd like it.
But also, being in love is pretty creepy at times, and this is a beautiful example of that. Like, you love someone so much sometimes that you wish you could crawl inside their body and see the world through their eyes, but you can't! Which is a tragedy! So instead you do weird shit like take their meds while they're in the shower.
But we don't have to talk about it
I can walk you home and practice method acting
I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning
Tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing
Even though we know it isn't true
I don't have anything to say about these lyrics, but I just adore how they are sung, especially "method acting” rhymed with “feel like drowning.” Probably my favorite part of the whole song.
Everything Hurts by Superchunk
Hey, listen is something I say when I want people to know I'm Getting Serious or Waxing Philosophical, so I appreciate them adding that lyric before dropping knowledge on us. It's simple, but sometimes the simple things really ice the cake, you know?
Ah sometimes everything hurts
From your bones to your fur
But you kick and you jerk and smile through it
Fuck that, not to be terse
You're driving a hearse
They gave you the keys but don't do it
These lyrics are so great and the way they sound just makes me want to belt them out. They have that classic Superchunk sing-songy sound, of course, but also remind me of Bob Dylan a little?
How could someone with chronic pain not be drawn to these lyrics? Sometimes everything DOES hurt! And yes, it all hurts from bones to fur, because few things remind us we are animals more urgently than pain.
The next part I like so much it can make me tear up. You kick and you jerk and smile through the pain, but FUCK THAT! You're driving a hearse — they gave you the keys, but don't dooo it! I read the hearse as the chronically ill body here.
"They" who give you the keys are cultural norms pushing you to keep working and pretending things are normal. Don't dooo it! If you're in pain, things are not fine, not normal, and you certainly shouldn't be working or smiling through it. If you're hurting from your bones to your fur, your body is sending a message, and it's time to slow down and listen, not work it to death or ignore it for others’ benefit.
Not Joking by The Front Bottoms
Okay, I need to make these comments shorter. (Deep breath). Of course after the whole CIRCLES thing, I was tickled to notice that a song I'd been enjoying had the lyrics But you know how life moves in circles.
I just learned of The Front Bottoms this year, which is sad, because they have a huge catalog and they’re so right up my alley I would’ve liked them from day one — a perfect blend of power pop with some punk influences and the sing-songy vocals I adore.
This song also taps into the contrast between being yourself and being who you think the world expect you to be, which is something I didn't expect to be dealing with in my 40s, but life is full of surprises!
This is the theater I was born into
Some of my stuff's still there today
Always only doing it for the room
Like I was born to entertain
This is the theater I was born into just so poetically encapsulates how roles are put on us from day one. We are expected to do stuff and act a certain way and so we do, then eventually realize we're just doing it for the room! But no more!
Don't laugh, it's not funny
Don't joke, I'm not joking
The curtain is closing
Psychos by Jenny Lewis
Life goes in cycles
It's a merry-go-round
I've been working off that juju
From my hometown
I am a rebel
All American made
Jesus Christ and the Devil
Yin and Yang
Life goes in cycles is pretty similar to But you know how life moves in circles, non?
But what really stands out to me here, lyrically, are the last two lines of this stanza. On first listen, I thought comparing Jesus and the devil to yin and yang made no sense! Because the first are good/bad, while the second are complementary.
Then I began learning more about the divine feminine and how religions changed as we moved into a more patriarchal society and I realized…Oh!...Christianity took what were once two equally respected forces and deemed one good (the masculine) and one bad (the feminine). So, actually those comparisons fit together pretty well.
(Though yin — the feminine to the masculine yang — would've been the one made "the devil," so who knows if Lewis was trying to draw this exact parallel, but again, as the listener, it's my right to find what I find in a song.)
Radio by Margo Price featuring Sharon Van Etten
I think I need to take some time out
And I wanna turn my phone off
I just wanna be alone
Just let me be alone today
I'm saving all my extra money
Go out get what they'd never buy me
Why do I feel so sick and tired
I'm sick and tired every day
This year I've faced the reality that I'm addicted to my phone and that that addiction is majorly hurting my life, so the first few lines of this song resonate HARD. Then I usually drift off into listening to the music and not paying attention to the lyrics, which is why, now that I'm reading them directly, I'm like, whaaa?
Before now, it hadn't consciously registered that the song mentions being sick and tired. I've listened to this song dozens of times and don't recall those lyrics. But I have chronic illness, which means I feel sick and tired a lot, so maybe they resonated on a subconscious level?
I See Myself by Geese
There's such beauty when you're falling in love with someone and realizing wow, this might actually be real, we can understand each other! And that beauty comes out so perfectly in the soulful, vintage-sounding singing of these lyrics.
We could live in the sea
Just you and me
And that fish in between
I see myself in you
I see myself in you
I see myself in you
I see myself in you
I see myself in you
I see myself in you
I see myself in you
I see myself in you
In my mind
At the end of the song, the in my mind really gets me, because we learn this speaker isn't likely dating the person they're singing about — they're pining. And oof, if I haven't been prone to pining my entire life!
I've Got Me by Joanna Sternberg
I thought this song would fit perfectly after the last, because instead of pining after someone else, the speaker is facing herself and gaining acceptance. Plus, it's just such a lovely and folky tune, how can you not smile as you listen?
I've got me in the morning
I've got me in the evening
I'll let you be because
I've got me
Why would I pine for you, when I've got me? I’ll let you be.
(Note: if you're someone I texted my playlist to and you're thinking hey, this song wasn't on it! You're right. I added two tunes at the eleventh hour, hehe.)
Hunter by Jess Williamson
Back to romantic love.
I want a mirror not a piece of glass
We went a hundred down the highway
I been known to move a little fast
I'm a hunter for the real thing
My love is pure as the Universe
Honest as an ashtray
So many things I would say if I weren't conserving my words! Let's leave it at this: almost every time I've fallen in love, it's felt like going a hundred down the highway, so bravo on those lyrics. I also am a hunter for the real thing. My love is also as pure as the Universe.
I'm also as honest as an ashtray, which, once again, bravo for coining that! Honesty isn't always pretty, but it's real, just like all those smelly cigarette butts someone stubbed out while trying to distract themselves from their problems.
hazelton by Justin Vernon
This song was on Justin Vernon's album Hazeltons, which came out this year, but I've since learned it was originally written and recorded over a decade ago. No, I'm not removing it from the list! It came out in 2023 in my life, so it's here.
I listened to this song many, many times before looking up the lyrics, and I thought it began, Settle up, we're calling up the pain. But I've since learned it says, Saddle up, we're calling up the pain.
I like both versions and they both make me tear up. I had no clue there were this many songs mentioning pain on my list until I began writing here, but hey, I accept it.
I think of settle up as referring to a debt. Not in a you-deserve-to-be-in-pain way, but in a this-is-the-cost-of-being-alive-and-experiencing-all-the-joy-you've-experienced way. Things get better and then they get worse again. Right before they get worse, you may realize the tides are changing and it’s time to settle up!
And time to saddle up. Which, oof. That is how it feels, when symptoms come back and you realize they're going to be sticking around for a while. Time to prepare yourself, because you might be riding this horse for a while and the ride could prove to be bumpy.
The Narcissist by Blur
Thanks to the power of Tidal's mixes, I listened to this tune countless times before knowing its title. And, the title changed my interpretation of it.
I'ma shine a light in your eyes (in your eyes)
You'll probably shine it back on me
But I won't fall this time
With Godspeed, I'll heed the signs
The chorus just sounds so hopeful to me. Hopeful and maybe a little wistful and sad (a theme?), but still hopeful.
Oh, glorious world (glorious)
Oh, potent waves, valleys gone wild (potent waves)
Connect us to love (us to love)
And keep us peaceful for a while (for a while)
Labeling it all "The Narcissist" changing everything, and I'm going to continue listening as if that's not the title. I don't want the speaker or the object of their attention to be a narcissist! Not that narcissists aren’t real humans. They are, and they deserve love, but they’re usually abusive. I'd like to instead believe the words are just pure and uncorrupted and view them the way I’ve viewed them until now.
New Day by Sunny War
This is another song I don't relate to lyrically right now, as I'm not thinking of any exes at this point in life (oh, the freedom!). But I just adore the sound.
Well, I may say I've had enough
Minds can change even when made up
And every day's a new day for love
And as I paste these lyrics, I'm seeing the theme continues. There's sadness. Maybe anger. She's had enough! But this is a moment of transformation and optimism — every day is a new day for love, indeed.
Believing in magic can be tragic
I'm love's junkie, I'm love's addict
The first two lines of the chorus are just gorgeous to me. Partly because of the sound and the way she pronounces "junkie" more like "joohnkie." But also because I read a resilience and optimism in them. Again, there's pain, enough for her to use the word "tragic." But she's not giving up on love — she's love's addict. Same, my friend.
Knockin (Live) by MJ Lenderman
This might be my favorite song of the whole playlist. I listened to it daily for months and it's hard for me to write about it, because now that I'm thinking of it again, I'd rather just be listening instead!
MJ Lenderman became a rock god of sorts to me this last year. I usually don't like live albums, because, c'mon, studio albums usually sound so much better! But somehow this live album took all his songs and made them better? If someone knows why that is, please tell me. I think this album is going to shift his career and put him in the history books. Maybe I’m wrong and biased, but sometimes I’m right about such things! A legend in the making. I’m calling it. Anyway.
The first time I heard this song, I laughed out loud at how many times he said "knockin" when he got to that line. We've all heard “Knockin' on Heaven's Door” and expect there to be a certain number of "knockins," then suddenly there are way more? It was so funny to me. But then I kept listening on repeat over and over and over and I felt so moved that the song quickly stopped being funny.
THEN, one day, weeks or months into daily listening, I heard the opening line, We saw John Daly sing Knockin' on Heaven's Door, and thought "Hold up, who tf is John Daly?" So I googled it and he's a professional golfer? Who sorta looks like Donald Trump? Who recorded a video of himself singing Knockin' on Heaven's Door while wearing a weird American flag suit jacket in front of a large audience?
I can't say I get it, but that made the song funny again for a few more listens. And now it's gone to this very yin/yang place where it's simultaneously hilarious and sacredly serious at once. I can't even say that I know what it all means, but I can say I adore MJ Lenderman and hope you listen to his whole album.
One Last F.U. by Lucero
Amazing song. Like, it makes me want to quit a job or leave a lover in a dramatic way. Rip off my name tag and throw it at the boss. Burn the love letters the lover wrote me. That sort of thing. Or, you know, be a teenager again and surprise-tell my parents I'm moving out then peel out of the driveway with middle fingers up as their jaws drop. I dunno, that's just the energy I feel when I hear it!
It wasn't like I came here thinking
Man, this bar is great to drink in
Was only helping out a friend, that's all
Now it seems this bourbon
Well, I'm not sure if it's working
Either way, it's time that I move on
I ain't gonna be here very long
One last fuck you, that's it, and I'm gone
I debated not sharing this song on my playlist, because I can't help but hear it as a metaphorical suicide note. I know, dark! And there's nothing in the lyrics that suggest it's to be read at a deeper level — the song could very well just be about a guy at a bar pissed at his stupid friends!
But reading into things at a deeper level is kinda what I do? And I mean, let's be real, none of us asked to be born. None of us looked at earth thinking, Man, this bar is great to drink in.
We all just kinda ended up here by helping out a friend (mom, dad, grandparents?) — that's all. And the things we're doing to tolerate it might not be working, so sometimes we think about moving on? One last fuck you, that's it though, then I'm gone.
HEALMODE by Jeff Rosenstock
Even though ending a playlist with a "fuck you" song has its own poetic beauty to it, I couldn't do it, because, well, you know. The whole suicide note interpretation. I'm not suicidal, and I hope no one listening to my playlist is either, but just in case, I wanted to end on a happier note.
I never thought I'd say it
But it's hard to hate the rain in California
The air is cold and blurry as it presses the pine needles to your car
Tumbleweeds roll through the shopping malls and parking lots of supermarkets
Everyone is inside watching movies on their TV's, staying warm
For those who are unfamiliar with Jeff Rosenstock, this is maybe the softest song he's ever put out? He's usually more punk. He's usually angrier.
HEALMODE is a song on an album called HELLMODE, which is mostly full of songs about how shitty things are right now. But here we go (the theme again!), even angry-ass Jeff Rosenstock can pull out some optimism and softness and sing something almost-sweet, like it's hard to hate the rain in California.
So yes, maybe sometimes we want to give one last fuck you then be gone, but we don't do it. We stick around. We notice that anger and despair and realize it's a call to soften. A call to look around us and say, "Well, it’s hard to hate that thing. And that thing. So not everything is bad. Life and earth aren’t 100% in HELLMODE."
And that is how we enter HEALMODE.
Not via toxic positivity — we know that doesn't work, like Petey said, If happiness is a choice then I'd choose it every second if I could — but by noticing the little things that are maybe hard to hate. By sinking into our bodies and feeling the cold and seeing the pine needles on car windows and people at home, warm and watching TV.
So, Merry Christmas to you, my friends. May you be in HEALMODE today. :)
So many great song suggestions here!!!